things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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