He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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