I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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