I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize