I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
