Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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