Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
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