are you still at the devil's house?
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
