I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize