I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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