dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
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you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
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YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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