That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
