I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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