I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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