her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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