If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
