So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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