I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
