Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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