you win again, gameday.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
