hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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