ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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