so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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