please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
