Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
