do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
