better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
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My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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