Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
