Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
