I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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