shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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