u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
