Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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