I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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