great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
home. puking in laundry basket.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
