i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
