Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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