eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize