So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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