Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
