if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
