apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
