Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
