I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
