I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
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Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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