I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
