I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
