Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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