He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
