i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
