i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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