I'll bet she douches with gravy.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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