Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
