We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
