Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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