Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The beers last night were like the tears from god
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
