Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
