so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
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He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
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Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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