remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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