i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
