just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
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Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
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I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize