thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Text me some of your sweat
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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